This Time With Alan Partridge is proving once again that Steve Coogan’s comic creation is a wince-inducing masterpiece.
Over numerous series, Alan has showcased his unerring talent for putting his foot in it.
Embarrassing questions during live TV shows and strange tangents about Chocolate Oranges and Vauxhall Insignias are just some of the things he’s famous for.
But real-life telly host Richard Madeley has also made a name for himself with a catalogue of gaffes over the years.
So can you work out who who said the following – Alan or Richard? Aha!
This Time With Alan Partridge: who said it, Alan or Richard?
Patridge or Madeley: “If we could throw a fishing rod into the corridors of time and reel you in, you’d throttle you, wouldn’t you?”
Madeley. Yes, Richard actually said this to the enfant terrible of punk music, Joe Lydon, aka Johnny Rotten.
Back in the Sex Pistols’ heyday, Johnny infamously told an ageing TV presenter to ‘eff off when he was asked a silly question.
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We shudder to think what Joe said to Richard after this.
Patridge or Madeley: “Can we get some makeup, please? Get Keira looking like a crack whore… she’d make a good crack whore!”
Madeley. In an interview with Oscar-nominated British actress Keira Knightley, Richard went full loco.
We often think of Keira as the perfect willowy, English rose. Not a crack whore.
But Richard, for some unknown reason, got it into his head that Keira needed to be made to look like she’d just spent the night sleeping in a skip in a dark alleyway in Coventry.
Partridge or Madeley: “That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they ‘Paved paradise to put up a parking lot’, a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song.”
Partridge. Yes, alright Alan.
Patridge or Madeley: “I always thought both of your music was a bit crap but this is quite good.”
Madeley. When it comes to music both Alan and Richard have, ahem, classic tastes.
And they’re not afraid to let people know, either.
This quote sees Richard failing to park negative thoughts inside his head – this time, during an interview with Faye from Steps and Russell Watson.
(Quite why they were being interviewed together on the same show is an entirely different question.)
Patridge or Madeley: “You looked as if your head was going to come off!”
Madeley. This one’s so Partridge it’s off the scale.
Saying something insensitive to a guest with a speech impediment? Check. Voicing internal thoughts that really should stay internal? Check. Laughing at someone else less fortunate than yourself? Check.
But wait… Richard actually said this during an interview with a guest struggling with a stammer. Winces.
Partridge or Madeley: “You sound like a baddie in a James Bond film… Dr. No… Vocal chords.”
Partridge. Here’s another instance involving a speech impediment, and once again proving never say what you’re really thinking.
This time it’s Alan, who meets a TV producer in a bar who has to speak through a voice machine.
Probably not best to make a joke about it. Winces again.
Patridge or Madeley: “So are you telling me elephants are not born evil?!”
Madeley. Here’s Richard shocked at the fact that the kings and queens of the natural world are actually quite nice.
Most sane people agree that with their big, floppy ears, amazing trunks and their chilled, lumbering gaits, elephants are very cool.
Not Richard, who evidently thinks they’re – randomly – the devil’s spawn and four-legged psychopaths.
Partridge or Madeley: “Sunday Bloody Sunday. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn’t it?
Partridge: When speaking to a pair of Irish TV producers, Alan tried desperately hard to get in their good books.
What he came up with was a wince-inducing misunderstanding of the lyrics of the famous U2 song.
Alan thought Bono and co were bemoaning the fact that Sundays can be a bit of a drag, which was not what the song was about. At all.
Patridge or Madeley: “When me and Judy were trying to conceive, I used to douse my balls in icy water before intercourse.”
Madeley. OK, ok, the fact that the name Judy appeared in this quote is a bit of a giveaway.
But with Alan often describing his love life in less than modest style, you could be forgiven for thinking it was a fictional character who said this.
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No. It was Richard, providing us all with an image that we’re going to struggle to unsee.
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