EastEnders Phil Jay (BBC)

After tonight’s Phil and Jay travesty, nine Easties storylines that need to die immediately

Tonight's show had us punching cushions

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This Phil killed Jay’s dad nonsense

EastEnders Phil Jay (BBC)
Lies, lies, LIES. So many WHYS (Credit: BBC)

We have no problem with EE linking things back to the past, in fact sometimes it works really well. EE is a show with a rich history and re-visiting some old stories gives long-term viewers a sense of nostalgia.

Note to storyliners though – completely re-writing history doesn’t work. Nope. Jase was Jay’s dad. Not some random hobo who was sleeping in a car.

When did Phil supposedly figure this link out? Why hasn’t he told Sharon? Why is it coming out now because he wasn’t too fussed about Jay when he booted him out for being a paedophile last year?

And THEN it turns out Phil’s lying anyway. This SL just reeks of desperation and shoehorns. And we STILL don’t get it.

Mick and Whitney

What has Easties done to them? (Credit: BBC)

We’re with Danny-boy Hatchard on this one, why mess with the one Walford couple that actually seemed happy and not interested in anyone else?

Fans made it clear from the first time Whit started making eyes at Mick that they wouldn’t tolerate someone coming between this ship.

Yet this storyline was pushed and pushed. And it’s made us very sad.

Michelle and her stalker

Chelle regret this! (Credit: BBC)

It was always going to be a tricky move, bringing a character as iconic as ‘Chelle Fowler back with a new face. And while we really wanted it to work, it just hasn’t.

Soz, Michelle. We just don’t care about you. And we don’t really care that you’ve got a stalker either. Which probably isn’t the intended reaction to Tube Man Tom.

Everything to do with Max’s revenge

Bore off, Max (Credit: BBC)

Max is mad about being locked up for something he didn’t do, WE GET IT.

And we couldn’t wait for him to come back and start wreaking his revenge on Ian, Jane and Phil (especially Phil), but what’s he done?

Messed about with his grieving brother and got into a cringe faux-mance with Carmel. That’s pretty lame, Max.

Steven Beale’s brain tumour

Brain dead? (Credit: BBC)

Where do we start with this stinker? Up until Steve-o smashed his head into a wall and told Lauren he was terminally ill, we were actually into the Psycho Steven story.

Spying on his girlfriend and stabbing holes in his condoms was gloriously twisted and just like the Steven Beale of old.

But suddenly, he has three months (well, more like two and a bit now) to live and Lauren isn’t even pressing him to tell Jane and Ian. Or Simon and Peter in New Zealand. Or, er, anyone. Lauren isn’t that stupid.

Whitney and Woody’s engagement

Whitney? Woody? Why? (Credit: ITV)

First up, Whitney’s still married which seems to have slipped her mind.

Secondly, how did she end up fleeing the Vic after that kiss with Mick, and somehow end up with Woody, who we know was with Linda and her mum in Watford?

And how did she end up so with Woody he ended up popping the question to her on the Isle of Wight? If we’re really supposed to be invested in Woodney as a couple, we needed to see them fall in love ON SCREEN.

Her relationship with Mick is more believable than this twaddle.

Sonia and Gethin

The Pryce is alright! (Credit: BBC)

Erm, how do we put this politely? Sonia love, you are punching well above your weight with Mr. Pryce.

He’s clearly more interested in your gorgeous young daughter than you and your lame small talk about washing pants.

And to be quite honest, we’ve had more than our fill of painful-to-watch flirting thanks to Max and Carmel. STOP IT!

Keanu’s job hunting

Giz a job! (Credit: BBC)

On a par with the bins storyline. Snore.

Linda’s secret

Linda’s lying about sumfink (Credit: BBC)

Out with it, already. Then we can all move on from whatever bizarre reveal she has.

It’ll probably turn out that she shot Phil, killed Archie and is Kat’s long lost son.

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