West on the Week: Their relationship is “as fake as Megan’s increasingly ridiculous lips!”

ED! columnist Andy West takes aim at Megan McKenna, Pete Wicks and Mary Berry!

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What a week it’s been! I’ve sung with Rebecca Ferguson, Jaymi from Union J and Jahmene Douglas for my new Youtube channel, AndyVision.

I’ve also presented a radio show and I’ve started writing my new book.

Things are going great and I’m finally starting to love being single!

It feels empowering to see a future free of poison and complication. Likely story.

For now at least things are looking rosy. Elsewhere, however, the waters are very choppy…

What is wrong with these vacuous people?

Megan McKenna has apparently caught her man Pete Wicks sexting his ex Jacqui Ryland. Idiot. Will that mean an end to their relationship or just more money for the couple from pap shots and magazine deals?

I’m sorry to sound cynical about it but we’re dealing here with extraordinarily shallow, vacuous people who I believe are completely incapable of ever truly appreciating love.

I mean, is their relationship even real? To me it looks just as fake as Megan’s increasingly ridiculous lips.

Why either of these women would have any interest in someone as stupid as this Pete guy is a mystery to me anyway. Vacant eyes and tattoos like a bolero jacket.

I would advise Megan to go find someone better!

Congratulations are in order!

I must say a very big congratulations to Ryan and Hughie, my former Big Brother housemates who have apparently got engaged! For real this time I assume.

I’ll make a prediction. They will shun all media attention and offers of magazine deals (though from what I’ve heard they haven’t been forthcoming anyway) and they’ll remain a peaceful, quiet, sincere couple away from the spotlight with no attempt whatsoever to garner attention or column inches from nuptials, arguments, divorces, pets, adoptions and crazy claims.

There aren’t many real reality relationships, so I do hope they avoid trying to squeeze cheap money and cheap media attention out of their completely and utterly real romance.

I hope I’m not proven wrong.

A little too revealing?

Mary Berry wasn’t very impressed by the outfits worn by the girls at the Reality TV Awards this week. She said the clothes were far too revealing.

My ex housemate Evelyn certainly revealed a lot though it was apparently by mistake.

Lovely Evelyn looked absolutely stunning on the red carpet next to my favourite glamour puss Laura. But then she adjusted her skirt and flashed her tuppence at the paps.

Not exactly Cate Blanchett at the Oscars, Evelyn, but no matter, this wasn’t the Oscars, this was the trashiest awards night of the year.

Which is why I was surprised to see that the human flan Mary Berry was even there! What was she thinking?

I must say Mary, you are a little too classy to be seen at that fool safari.

But if you must insist on going, don’t be surprised that all the girls are flashing boob.

Muck in and get your own meringues out.