West on the Week: “I woke to a man taking a picture of me in bed!”

Broadcaster warns to be careful who you let near you with a camera

Dumped with Trump such a bad thing?

Like so many people I’m seriously worried about the possibility that the US is just days away from electing a ginger cat’s bum as president. But then I thought about what’s going on in the world and I began to wonder whether, in some crazy way, Donald might come up Trumps from Britain’s point of view.

Yes he seems to be a vile misogynistic, racist, lying, vain money-grabber, but as we teeter on the cusp of World War Three with the Russians over Syria and so much more, who do you want on your side? A president who wants to make friends (and money, sure) with Russia or Hillary Clinton who hates and is hated by the Kremlin?

Could Trump be our best chance of avoiding a global meltdown?

And if we’re going for a Brexit from the EU, maybe it’s best to have the candidate in the White House who encouraged the UK to go. Besides Hillary Clinton isn’t exactly an angel.

We all love her bullet proof hair but she is colder and more steely than Trump. She will be keen to show that metal to Vladimir Putin… let’s hope he won’t show her his nukes.

No to Brexit back-track

There should never have been a referendum on Brexit. The issues were too complicated, the arguments too dull and the voters too ignorant. There was never any hope for the majority of people to look properly at the facts.

Now those MPs in Westminster have a chance to block Brexit by winning the right to vote on leaving. The thing is, a democracy can’t just cast aside the voice of the people.

Even though I think Brexit is the stupidest thing Britain has ever voted for (apart from Honey G) I still think we have to stand by the decision we made as a country.

I’m sure when the Brexit hits the fan those who voted for it will volunteer to pay more taxes to help everyone who loses their job…

Sex and cameras should never come together

So Strictly hunk Ben Cohen has joined James Hill and Sam Callaghan in the sex tape club. Ben’s the latest to have secretly filmed footage of his rugby balls posted online. The video was apparently made years ago when Ben was single and well before he met his strictly love Kristina Rihanoff.

So who was this person who kept the video all this time waiting for the right moment to sell it? How miserable and pathetic do you have to be?

I woke up the other morning in bed with a guy I’d met the night before and he was in the middle of taking a pic of me on his phone. I was in shock and made him delete it.

But it serves as a reminder to everyone – especially people in the public eye – that unless you are totally happy for EVERYONE to see your privates on the Internet, never film or let anyone film your sex antics. It’ll come back to bite you on the bottom.

What’s ‘appened to the talent on  The Apprentice?

I’m totally hooked on this year’s Apprentice but the signs are not good for the world’s richest Alan. I haven’t seen a single candidate yet who is capable of having a vaguely sensible idea.

If arrogance and childish name-calling is what counts for talent on that show then, sure, Tiny Lord Sugarcube is spoiled for choice… but it would be refreshing if the show allowed even the occasional candidate to show more business acumen than a pig nipple.

It’s a shame because now more than ever we could do with some reassurance that our next generation of entrepreneurs is capable of selling scarves. Or that they know salt and vinegar fudge is a disgusting idea. Or that you can’t compare jeans to sushi.

Luckily this show is brazenly not about finding business talent. It’s an idiot safari. Hand me the rifle.

Harry’s hot new squeeze

So Prince Harry has a glamorous new girlfriend? I wonder if actress Meghan Markle knew who Harry was when she fell for him? *Raised eyebrow*

By apparently hooking up with Harry she’s managed to zoom to the front pages of every news site worldwide. Not too harmful for a beautiful actress, and good for her, actually, because she is stunningly good looking, talented and smart…three things you can’t say about the Windsors.

Let’s hope this relationship blossoms so we can add some fresh genetics to the royal petri dish.