We all know Jeremy Kyle's guests are a bizarre bunch of specimen, but these are definitely up there.
David, who is married to his cousin - yes, COUSIN - has denied hitting on his wife's daughter.
He was also accused of watching a bit of porn when the family were in the house - as you do!
David's wife (and cousin) Denise was criticised for being a horrible mum after she admitted to beating her daughter, Gemma, with a riding crop.
Gemma labelled her a "prostitute" and claimed she took drugs instead of feeding her children, who were taken into care.
Denise's ex Nigel, also appeared on the show, to slam his ex-wife.
He said: "She used to bring blokes back and she'd go upstairs."
Nigel, who was married to Denise for six years, said he got hit in the head with a steel wok when he forgot to buy a lottery ticket.
WHAT ON EARTH?!
He deserves a medal for coping with Denise that long, as she slept with 100 men while they were together.
Denise did admit that she "worked in a gentleman's club" but wasn't a prositute - OK love, you're clearly in denial.
She used to bring blokes back and she'd go upstairs.
Things got even grimmer when Denise's latest husband - COUSIN David - entered the room.
He fired insults at Gemma, calling her a "lying tart."
Gemma however, was not ready to back down from a fight, saying she caught David watching porn in her mum's living room.
It gets worse...
She added that he also tried it on with her!
She said he came into her bedroom, saying: "What would you do if an older person made a pass at you?"
Her boyfriend Jamie then ran onto the stage, calling David "disgusting."
David added: "He watches porn and rubs himself off when there's people in the house.
"You can hear the noises. It's disgusting."
David, clearly lost for a comeback, fired back: "You don't know how to peel a potato."
Good one Dave.
The audience got all sympathetic for Nigel - Denise's ex - because he'd never had oral sex.
He confessed to having a threesome with Denise for his birthday, but when she accused him of getting oral sex from another lady "round the back of the house" he shot her down.
"I've never had a bl***** in my life."
At this point, the audience comically all said "awwww".
Jezza put his two-pence in and said: "People are having their breakfast, Phillip Schofield's getting his make-up done and people here are going 'awww' because he's never had oral sex!"
Don't you just love Jeremy Kyle?