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Saturday 11th July 2020

Honey G's secret past revealed!

And you'll never guess what her amazing George Clooney connection is!

Honey G maybe the UK’s most popular and influential rapper (sorry Pro Green, you know it's true), but you might be surprised to discover that the X Factor superstar didn't actually grow up hanging out on the tough streets of Lewisham.

Far from it, in fact. Honey - in stark contrast - enjoyed a rather more comfortable middle class upbringing, with her classical pianist mum and dentist dad in Buckinghamshire, darling.

And instead of going to some tough, inner city school where the kids stomp around the playground carrying knives and weapons, the divisive lyric-spitter – aka Anna Georgette Gilford - went to a fancy grammar school for nice girls called Dr. Challoner's in Little Chalfont - the very same school - it turns out - that Amal Clooney attended.

Yes, that's right, George’s missus.

Well fancy that. The girls both studied at the swanky institution… But while Honey, er, "went off the rails" to become a street-tough, posturing rapper with a penchant for gold harem pants and dodgy sunglasses (that look like they have a fake nose attached to them), Amal went off to become a leading human rights lawyer.

Hmmm… if only Honey had gone down that route and who knows, perhaps she could have been the blushing bride in those wedding pictures we saw in Hello magazine.

While Honey gives us the impression she’s something of a renegade these days (in spite of owning a recruitment agency), in school she was a good academic girl and was even captain of the school's 1st tennis team from 1997 to 1999.

Sadly Anna and Amal were never friends at school as being three years old,  Amal wasn't in the same year as Honey. But we’d love to be a fly on the wall whenever there is a Dr Challoner's school reunion.

Watching Honey getting on down while Amal elegantly sips champers while reminding herself and everyone around her that she’s George Clooney’s wife would be a sight to see.

Conversation wise, Amal would be a lot more fascinating too. While she would be telling us about how she has recently taken her life in her own hands to take on ISIS in court, Honey would no doubt be banging on about how dope her phat lyrics are. Zzzz.

Well, we know which of those gals we’d rather chinwag with over bubbles.

Now here’s a thought for those UKers out there fed up of hearing the X Factor novelty act chanting "Honey G!" in every song.

Why don't you all bandy together and try to hire Amal (at a cheap rate obvs) to see if we – we mean - YOU guys can get Honey banned from our screens.

Afterall, she must be breaching some kind of human right which you can argue is denying the population the chance to live a happy and peaceful existence without having to endure a middle aged woman, wobbling around on stage and making a holy show of herself? Let us know what you find out...

Let us know how you get on.

"To be clear…” she said “I did not use any offensive language. I sang the correct lyrics and said 'kicking the flavor that makes you wanna jump'."