Everyone has a nightmare dating story. But we defy anyone to come up with a worse tale than this.
A young man from Bristol in England has set up a GoFundMe page, asking people to help him buy a new window for his bathroom after he invited a Tinder date back home with him.
The original window was destroyed by firefighters, you see, as they rescued the lad’s ‘lady friend’, who had become lodged between it and a second window – of a neighboring property that backed onto it.
The young lady – an amateur gymnast – was trying to retrieve something she had thrown out, when she got stuck.
And that something was a poo she’d done and then been unable to flush… panicking about leaving a floater for her beau to discover, she opted to wrap it up and toss it outside instead.
The chap – now identified as Liam Smyth by the Bristol Post – recalled the incident in great detail on GoFundMe.
“I recently took a girl I met on Tinder to Nandos,” he wrote.
“We had a lovely evening, and enjoyed each other’s company very much.
“After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a Scientology documentary.
“About an hour into Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.
“’I went for a poo in your toilet’, she told me ‘and it would not flush. I don’t know why I did this, but I panicked’, she continued, ‘I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window’.
“I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened.
Read more: Coach who forced teen to do the splits is fired
“Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.
“As can be seen in the picture, the inside window opens at the top, into the gap that is separated from the garden by a non-opening double-glazed window pane.
“Seeing only one solution, I messaged our house group-chat, and went upstairs to find a hammer and chisel to smash open the window.”
“Unfortunately for my date, at this stage I could see only one way out of our predicament. She had been upside down in the window for around 15 minutes at this point, and I was starting to grow concerned for her health. I called the fire brigade.
“Bristol’s finest were on scene sirens blaring in a matter of minutes. Once they had composed themselves after surveying the scene in front of them, they set to work removing my date from the window using all of their special firemen hammers and tools. It took them about 15 minutes. Here is a picture of them working:
“Unfortunately, although they rescued my date unharmed from what must have been a rather unpleasant confined space to find yourself in, in the process they had to completely destroy the window with their special fire tools.
Read more: Rare Photo Captures Kelly Ripa’s Entire Gorgeous Family Together At Once
“I’m not complaining, they did what they had to do. Problem is, I’ve been quoted north of £300 to replace the window. As a postgraduate student, that is a significant chunk of my monthly budget (in fact, that is my monthly budget).”
Liam has passed the target he was hoping to raise.
Avon Fire and Rescue service confirmed they responded to this call in August.
A Fire Service spokesman said: “We received a call at 22:41 to one female trapped between interior and exterior glass.
“Two crews were sent from Temple station and she was rescued using hand tools.”
And, for anyone wondering, he and the young lady DID go on date, er, number two. We’re not sure about a turd one, yet…