Ferne McCann has had as tough a year as anyone, as her on-off partner Arthur Collins was recently convicted of a horrifying acid attack.
But a ray of light appeared in the form of her baby, which she named Sunday, who was born at the start of November.
But now, as Ferne plans to spend her first Christmas with just Sunday, she has revealed that she has found motherhood a real struggle.
In a candid interview due to be aired on Tuesday as part of her new ITVBe documentary Ferne McCann: First Time Mum, the former TOWIE star bared her soul.
She said: “You find out you are pregnant, you are so excited but then your whole life is turned upside down. It was absolute hell and it is hell.
“People have their opinion and you are scrutinised for different decisions you make. It is really difficult.”
“I feel like I’m in a situation where I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t, whatever I do, whatever move I make people are going to have an opinion.”
Ferne went on to describe how much the year has taken its toll on her, saying: “There is not a day goes by that I haven’t cried. It’s for so many reasons, it’s because I’m scared, I feel lonely, I feel [bleep], I feel sad.
“I am just looking forward to getting this year out of the way and moving forward and putting my main focus on Sunday. Thank God for her. If I didn’t have her, where would that have left me? I would have been on my own.”
Ferne was shocked when her ex-partner Arthur was arrested for throwing acid over 14 clubbers in East London earlier this year.
And it’s reported that, ironically, he had been out celebrating the news he was to become a father.
The documentary begins before Ferne gives birth, and shows her going to the doctor for a scan.
It continues to cover the This Morning presenter’s life as she moves through her pregnancy, up until Sunday is born, with Ferne saying: “I don’t think you realise how much strength you have until you are faced with a terrible situation.”
“I found strength because I have someone else to think about. Thank God for this baby – my absolute life saver.”
Ferne McCann: First Time Mum will be on ITVBe at 9pm this Tuesday.