First, an announcement. If you were eating your dinner during last night’s episode of EastEnders then we are truly, truly sorry for you. No one deserves that.
Last night saw Steven and Abi have very weird sex up against the wall of Beale’s restaurant.
The scenes were even odder because for a minute it looked like Steven was about to attack Abi, and they had an argument and then… yeah, the sex bit. With Steven. In a room in which there were knives.
And viewers were divided between wanting to vomit and thinking that actually, these two make a weirdly perfect couple.
Steven is currently going out with Abi’s sister Lauren, but they were were both angry with her because she had left Abi’s 21st birthday party that same night with her boss Josh.
Earlier, Abi had been fuming because Lauren had pulled her away from a kiss with Josh.
Keeping up? Come on – sisters, exes, love triangles… This is basic level soap stuff.
Abi told Steven: “You let her get away with aborting your baby and now you’re just going to ignore the fact she’s cheating on you too.
“We both know what they are doing together and you are just letting it happen. You are pathetic. No wonder Lauren doesn’t want you.”
Harsh, Abi. Harsh.
“Now I didn’t go after them because I know what I am capable of,” simmered Steven.
They kissed and then, because he’s just so smooth, Steven went in for his killer line: “You know this doesn’t mean anything right?”
Abi replied: “Yeah I know. I don’t care.”
Er, hot stuff guys. And btw – if this doesn’t end in a shock pregnancy storyline, then we don’t know soap (and we know soap).