If you watched last night’s EastEnders, you’ll know that Jane’s totally sussed out that Steven’s brain tumour is a big fake and that he’s been lying all along.
If you didn’t watch last night’s EastEnders, you might think that would have taken lots of digging, perhaps an email hack or planting a device in his earring that records conversations, that kind of thing.
BUT NO.
Steven was found out because he disguised Max Branning’s number with the clever code ‘M’ and left the empty box that had contained his ‘medication’ WITH A PICTURE OF A DOG ON in a drawer.
Seriously MI5, are you listening? If you’ve got any jobs going – entry level, sure, we’re not unrealistic – Steven’s your man.
He also put his fake dog drug packs in the bin. No no, not an industrial-sized bin a few miles away. Just, you know, the house bin, with the Dairy Milk wrappers and that tag off Ian’s new polo shirt from Debenhams.
One Twitter user commented: “Is Steven hiding evidence in plain sight – or just dumb?”
Another wrote: “Is Steven really that dim to leave al that evidence lying around, I think yes”
A third added: “Why has Steven just left the pills and everything randomly in the living room instead of hiding them. Makes no sense.”
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Steven started faking his cancer diagnosis to stop girlfriend Lauren leaving him and going to New Zealand. He even faked doctors’ appointments and had dad Ian doing his proper Lucy-murder-style sobs when he broke the news that he was terminal.
But when Jane offered the money she’d saved for a flat for him to spend on pioneering treatment in the US, Steven turned it down because he wanted to live the end of his life in peace.
Steven, we know this isn’t real but, er, if it had been, ‘Walford’ and ‘peace’ probably don’t go together anyway.
The storyline’s set to get even bigger now with – SPOILER ALERT – the news that Steven will torch the restaurant with Jane inside.
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Max – who found out about the big fake brain tumour and blackmailed him so he wouldn’t tell his daughter Lauren – orders him to deal with his Jane-shaped problem ‘permanently.’
Wasn’t enough to shoot her and stop her ever having kids, Steven, no?
Oh, the Beales. Imagine a week when they just had a roast lamb and a pint and watched some telly.